Paid to Sex - **½

Me Happy Time Make You FUN!

1988, Japan/USA, Colour, 95 minutes

Directed by Mashimoto Mashimata. Written by Daryl Dweebly

Starring Yuko Mishima, ‘Teddy Bear’ Traylor, Kurt Kolder, The Camel Club’s Famous Dancing Humpettes

A charmingly naïve Japanese prostitute, Yumi, moves to Las Vegas and finds it quite different from the glittering paradise she imagined. But what seems like it will be just an American-based Japanese torture film (written by the editor of USA’s biggest fan magazine J-Tied), turns into a rabid mishmash of every Japanese film genre. A weird customer dies on Yumi, and the cybernetic suit that was possessing him takes her over…cue painful mutations, sword play, creepy children, giant monsters, long static shots of tea ceremonies, brutal violence to men’s groins, ninjas, alien invaders, Las Vegas showgirls becoming cat beasts, and some more torture. The result does not gel, but does have a nice soundtrack of ‘60s Japanese rock songs.

Watch out for – the famous “flicker scene”. Nearly every rental VHS in existence is damaged due to overplaying of the scene with a three second shot of Yumi’s left nipple.

Quote – “I like to make erection…hahaha for you to make. No me. Hahahaha.”

Reviewed by R.P. Thunderdunk

Honey, I Dug Up Your Corpse - ***

Aren't you happy to see me?

1988, USA, Colour, 99 minutes

Written and directed by Gary Croami

Starring Billy Tyler, Roxy, Gary Arlaxyle, Timmy, Mindy, Kimmy, Tito, Tamara

Pity poor noble Murray. He goes to all the trouble to dig up his girlfriend (a former drug addict who found God) and anger his Lord by restoring her to life, only to find that she's shacked up in hell with her old boyfriend; a truck driver who died in a fiery crash when he was 35 and she was 14. And her ex wants his lady back. The Hell Trucks are a triumph of special effects imagination, and the central romance would make Tennessee Williams gasp, but the whole enterprise is let down by the bus load of orphans Murray has to repeatedly keep out of trouble.

Watch out for – the circling of the Hell Trucks scene.

Quote – "I need a volunteer to steady my shotgun. Which one of you kids has the flattest head?"

Reviewed by Juan Incognito

Hemp Rope II – **

Better than Hemp Rope I

1988, Canada , Colour, 97 minutes

Directed by Gus Yillomonte. Written by Neal Phillipe

Starring Hudson Smacker, Jane Frelitie, Aaron Whyte

The Hangman is one of my favourite movie villains. Not because he is necessarily a well developed character, or even that scary, but because of the purity of his theme. Not for him magical dream powers to kill children in their dreams, no, he just hangs you. The world needs more believable villains like this. So in some ways it is a pity that Hemp Rope II doesn't deliver on this promise, in fact at some points I almost began to suspect this film was less of a horror and more of a determined effort by the hemp lobby to promote their product. The loving close-ups of the rope fibre, the random 15 minute visit to the rope factory, the grudging admiration of the victims when the noose didn't break all make me suspicious.

Best line – “Feel the smooth suppleness of my rope!”

Reviewed by Juan Incognito