Freedom Beckons! - ***½

Sleep deep in liberty's knapsack

1948, USA, Black & White, 97 minutes

Written and directed by Kurt K Harthorn

In recent years the spate of mockumentaries and sarcastic types like Michael Moore have warped the propaganda documentary genre. This unfairly detracts from the glory that is 1948's Freedom Beckons! Filmed immediately before the Cold War really began it is a breathlessly excited journey through the newly liberated states of Europe. Do we care if the producers were being ironic? No!

Watch out for – The Narrator trying to trade a box of Lucky Strikes for more film

Reviewed by Juan Incognito

Thoroughly Gripping – ***½

LOL!!

2007, USA , Colour, 76 minutes

Directed by Glorious. B. Visage (afraid to use real name for fear or retaliation)

Written by Johnny Roffle, I. Nic Staines (see above)

Ever read publicity material for a film or book that doesn't bare any relationship with the truth or even the English language? You are not alone, as this documentary on the review industry proves. So just why do the industry persist in throwing out unbelievable praise on the junk they produce? Is it hubris or part of a wider conspiracy to defraud the American public? Turns out it's the latter.

Great moment – The hidden camera scene when a gang of school kids beat up the writer of the now infamous "tweenies will love twinnies" comment for one of the forgettable Olsen Twins vehicles.

Reviewed by Juan Incognito

The Search for Honey – *½

The emotions are real. The fear is sweet

1997, Denmark, Colour, 92 minutes

Written and directed by P. Fraser

Starring Lucy van Yel, P. Fraser

Sometimes it is refreshing to see films that deal with real life issues in an honest fashion, and sometimes it is not. In what was described by a reviewer as a ‘scary stalker fantasy’ viewers are invited along to watch the writer/director attempt to seduce a girl he met at college. The film claims to follow the Dogma 95 school to give the action a more real flavour, but sometimes it really seems a little too real.

Watch out for – our hero manufacturing an accidental meet up in a book store.

Quote – “Really? We were in English lit together? Sorry. I don't remember you.”

Reviewed by Juan Incognito

Ghosts of Greater Boise - ***

Exclusive to VHS

1984, USA, Colour, 63 minutes

No writer or director credited

The ghosts of the metropolitan Boise area were well chronicled in the smash documentary Spirits of Boise . To cash in on that hit, a fly-by-night video production company made this disturbing knock off, focusing on the ghost of Boise's surrounding areas. While everyone thought that Spirits of Boise was a bit of a lark, this film puts the grimy willies into anyone foolish enough to watch it. The grainy video, amateur narration, and copious amounts of real ghosts are enough to make even the strongest man long for an episode of The Golden Girls. The origins of the tape are hotly debated; the most popular theory is that Spirit of Boise's producers commissioned it as an expensive prank during their cocaine-fueled post-success period. We're not convinced of that.

Watch out for – what happens when they turn the lights off in the Pressford farm's barn.

Quote – "Oh God....oh God.....oh God...."

Reviewed by R.P. Thunderdunk

A Crummy Way to Die – *1/2

Undiagnosed nasal fistulas aren’t worth dying for!

1931, USA, Black & White, 60 minutes

Directed by Samual P. Fancy. Written by The Orange County Nurses Collective with additional material by Roderick Muhykin

Starring Nurse Rachel Carthwright, Doctor Lance Maynard, Billy O’Groats

After his father died from an undiagnosed nasal fistula, movie mogul Roderick Muhykin ordered the educational short film Explanation of the Formation and Removal of Nasal Fistulas expanded to feature length. He even wrote the additional material (his only screenwriting credit) which deals with a family man ignoring an unusual nasal discharge. The result is both preachy and off-putting.

Interestingly, this was the first teaming of Billy O’Groats and Samual P. Fancy, who would become the star and creator/director of the long-running Tickler series.

Watch out for – Film history’s first nasal disease-themed polka number

Reviewed by R.P. Thunderdunk