A Swansong Too Far - ***½

Toe tapping mystery at its best!

1970, UK, Colour, 94 minutes

Directed by Gan Hertford. Written by Jimmy Shank

Starring Allen Kinderson, Marie Forthworth, Lulu Brown

Blackpool's most reputable Music Hall is wracked by mystery. Who is stalking Lady Bloomer? Who is frightening the Pantomine Horse? Why have all the pianos suddenly gone out of tune? In a delightful 94 minutes Jarvis takes us through the drama of these mysteries while also pouring out his great love for the proud British tradition of the music hall, then, as now, a dying art-form. It turns out that the ticket seller did it.

Great moment – when the snatch squad from the local police station have to pretend to be a chorus line in order to prevent a riot.

Reviewed by Juan Incognito

A Crummy Way to Die – *1/2

Undiagnosed nasal fistulas aren’t worth dying for!

1931, USA, Black & White, 60 minutes

Directed by Samual P. Fancy. Written by The Orange County Nurses Collective with additional material by Roderick Muhykin

Starring Nurse Rachel Carthwright, Doctor Lance Maynard, Billy O’Groats

After his father died from an undiagnosed nasal fistula, movie mogul Roderick Muhykin ordered the educational short film Explanation of the Formation and Removal of Nasal Fistulas expanded to feature length. He even wrote the additional material (his only screenwriting credit) which deals with a family man ignoring an unusual nasal discharge. The result is both preachy and off-putting.

Interestingly, this was the first teaming of Billy O’Groats and Samual P. Fancy, who would become the star and creator/director of the long-running Tickler series.

Watch out for – Film history’s first nasal disease-themed polka number

Reviewed by R.P. Thunderdunk