Awfully Sorry - ***

Being meek just became the ultimate power trip

1976, UK, Colour, 93 minutes

Directed by Cubby Stanley. Written by Harry Hochley

Starring Derrick Biggers, Gertrude Watts, Tyler Ironovic

An interesting, if overly ridiculous, thriller about a meek British law clerk who is put upon by workmates and his overbearing mother and always forced to apologise, even when he's not at fault. He begins to view apologising as his only source of power, and becomes addicted to the thrill of it. He starts putting himself in more and more dangerous situations so the apology will make him feel more powerful, but will he be stopped before he commits the ultimate apologisable act: murder?

Watch out for – that wild scene at the punk rock concert.

Quote – “I'm awfully sorry that happened to your knickers, ma'am.”

Reviewed by R.P. Thunderdunk

Dear Sir, I Am Going To Kill You All – **

Someone's been a naughty boy

1961, USA/Italy, Black & White, 92 minutes

Directed by Juan Smith. Written by H.R.A. Mervi

Starring Gus "Gussy" Trini, Peter Charles

A much-loved teacher nears his well-earned retirement and begins planning his new life as a professional loiterer, when a phone call changes his life. He is now the target of a vicious killer, who will stop at nothing in order to kill beloved teacher. What could a man so well loved have done to deserve such a fate? Well, despite the occasional hint, we never really know. But we are treated to a smorgasbord of chilling phone conversations and the occasional alleyway confrontation, and when done well, this is quite enough excitement for this reviewer!

Trivia – Apparently inspired by early civil rights campaigners, although god knows how or indeed why

Reviewed by Juan Incognito

Our Friends Are Desperate - ***1/2

VERY DESPERATE

1979, USA, Black & White, 97 minutes

Written and directed by Jayden Kane

Starring Jim Sagem, Ghana O'Hara, Mern Forrie'

A frankly entertaining examination of the pitfalls and small joys of petty corruption and small business in small town America. The dialogue is a masterful example of what can be achieved when suggestive wording is almost, but not quite taken too far. It spawned a generation, or at least a year, of annoying encounters with one's friends as they fumbled the lines in order to repeat the pop culture references. Sigh.

Not to be missed - when James encounters Mary at the Bus Station and well known pornographer Xantos makes a cameo as a traffic policeman.

Reviewed by Juan Incognito

Very Tricky - *

Sleight of Hand or Sleight of Mind?

2004, USA, Colour, 114 minutes

Written and directed by P. K. Frilk

Starring P. K. Frilk, Lifan Huang, Little Wing Turner

Have you ever wanted to yell “Just piss off” at a movie screen? That was our experience while watching this rancid piece of filmmaker mind frottage. The story revolves around five people who all get robbed while taking part in a street magic act (the magician is played by writer/director Frilk). Who was in on the magician’s scheme and who wasn't? To answer these crap questions we get to see the scene from every possible point of view while people change allegiances in ways that make no sense, and facts are twisted beyond plausibility. Most maddening though, is that Frilk shows his own face smirking and nodding at the viewer during every scene change.

Watch out for – well, if I were Frilk I’d watch out for my flying fist.

Quote – “Don’t believe your eyes, don’t believe logic…magic is beyond logic, magic is love, tragedy, life….” etc. etc.

Reviewed by R.P. Thunderdunk