Mayhaps, Adventure - *

Run, fatty. Run!

1922, USA, Black & White, 42 minutes

Directed by Jaime Polotzin. Written by Marshall Oafmin

Starring Porky Carruthers, Lisa Bentley

A less than thrilling silent film about an awkwardly obese police officer (Porky Carruthers, a vaudeville comedian who never caught on in films) trying to enjoy his honeymoon with his unrealistically hot wife. All the while he has to avoid getting into any adventures (on doctor’s orders). The adventures he has to avoid are stock footage from far more exciting films, and he runs away before we get a good look at them.

Watch out for – A young Billy O’Groats playing one of wrestlers at the Luchadore Convention.

Quote – The title card that says “Yikes!” is used about a thousand times.

Reviewed by R.P. Thunderdunk

Continue - **

One Quarter – One Life

1985, USA, Colour, 97 minutes

Directed by Brick Youngly. Written by Hope Kyo

Starring Mike Corey, Michael Corman, Mikey Carey

Passable kid's film concering a video game arcade that comes to life in a lightning storm – the truants and punks manage to get all the characters back in the game only to discover that they've trapped some of their friends in there too. Mild excitement abounds as they run to the change counter to get quarters before the continue counter hits zero and their friends die. Notable for the downbeat ending; after returning to their loveless homes at the end of the day, they all return to the arcade and try to climb into the arcade machines.

Watch out for – the unveiling of the Golden Free Credit Coathanger.

Quote – “Some say Zack found the coathanger stuck in a mystic stone and was the only one who could pull it out. Others say it was a robotic angel's tampon.”

Reviewed by R.P. Thunderdunk

Eastern Approach - *

The World is an interesting place

1955, UK, Black & White

Directed by Sir Conrad Gaulieter. Written by John Smith (is this the English pseudonym for "too embarrassed to own up"?)

Starring Ryan Grant, Analise Grant, and Rogert Michaelhouse as Stalin

Fitzroy Maclean's autobiographical work on his adventures in Soviet Central Asia and then later, WW2, has long been a favourite of young adults and twenty-something cynics. His heroic tale of travel, war and devious tricks should in theory have made a great film. It didn't. But then in all fairness that was more due to terrible casting, script writing, direction, strange and pointless plot twists and terribly low production values. Is it any wonder Maclean wanted to sue the production company?

Great moment – When Maclean beats Stalin at chess, at drinking, then at love making. We are almost sure this doesn't happen in the book, but you have to admire anyone who belittles Stalin's reputation.

Reviewed by Juan Incognito