That's Big of You - ***

The Atomic Age's Greatest Nightmare: A Cruel Woman

1955, USA, Black & White, 83 minutes

Directed by Lance Wooton. Written by Tay Cropper

Starring Sterling Barfellow, Barbara Foxhill, Cal Ashwood

Lloyd Tolliver is a brilliant but meek atomic scientist whose lab does weapons research for the military. So focused is he on his work that when his dashing business partner begins an affair with his wife he limply stands aside so that it doesn't interfere with the research. But when the calculating couple steal the research money and escape to Los Angeles, Tolliver's switch is flipped. He injects himself with Genetic Radiation (aka Gen-Rad), grows to the size of a modest office building and goes on a revengenous rampage. He is eventually stopped by Navy Frogmen who lay mines in his left ventricle.

Watch out for – chaos at Soviet Science Headquarters when as they watch, via satellite, America's "Gen-Rad Super Beast" running amok. Never have so many ham actors run into the same wall in mock terror.

Quote – "He wanted to give his life to science, and now his pickled organs will educate the young in science museums across America."

Reviewed by R.P. Thunderdunk

Forthright Cliché – ***1/2

You know where this is going, darling

1955, USA, Black & White,

Directed by Arthur Garvin. Written by Alan Rys, Daniel Maher, Trick Jones (strictly for marketing purposes)

Starring Trick Jones, Suzanne Leonardo, Kipper Smith

What makes a leading man click with the public? Is it the chiselled jaw? The witty off-the-cuff remarks? The ease of seduction? Or is it all about solid dialogue and well chosen roles? After watching Forthright, what some would call the seminal Trick Jones opus, I'd say a mixture of all three.

As the above breathless commentary suggests, this film has it all, and by all I mean 1950s American beefcake (that was born in Britain but you'd only know because he was knighted later on in life by that Jones fanboy of fanboys, HRH). Which no doubt was the main draw card at the time. But in the modern world women and men demand a more defined visage and so the movie must stand more upon things other than a pretty face. And it does.

Gordon Smith does something at the Mill, something that gives him time to lounge about wearing sharp suits and chatting up the secretaries. So he's probably the boss's idiot nephew or something. But he has another mistress, one that doesn't wear a low cut blouse. Yes, Gordon is an alcoholic, but the good kind, one who solves crime. I could go on for hours, but why, when you really came just to see a blurred still of Jones leaning on the bar?

Quotable – "Ma'am, the only list you forgot today was the one with my name on it. Next to yours."

Reviewed by Juan Incognito

Eastern Approach - *

The World is an interesting place

1955, UK, Black & White

Directed by Sir Conrad Gaulieter. Written by John Smith (is this the English pseudonym for "too embarrassed to own up"?)

Starring Ryan Grant, Analise Grant, and Rogert Michaelhouse as Stalin

Fitzroy Maclean's autobiographical work on his adventures in Soviet Central Asia and then later, WW2, has long been a favourite of young adults and twenty-something cynics. His heroic tale of travel, war and devious tricks should in theory have made a great film. It didn't. But then in all fairness that was more due to terrible casting, script writing, direction, strange and pointless plot twists and terribly low production values. Is it any wonder Maclean wanted to sue the production company?

Great moment – When Maclean beats Stalin at chess, at drinking, then at love making. We are almost sure this doesn't happen in the book, but you have to admire anyone who belittles Stalin's reputation.

Reviewed by Juan Incognito