The Face Reader - *

I can read you. You're spelled wrong

1998, USA, Colour, 81 minutes

Directed by Frank Skelly. Written by Chad Darkling

Starring Chad Darkling, Allura, The Amazing Kimmy

The movie debut of Las Vegas psychic Chad Darkling is staggeringly imbecilic. Shot in between his performances, it is about his attempts to stop an ancient clan of Super Mages from robbing Pan's Flute Casino where he performs his show. The big dilemma is; what is there for a master of body language to read when he's facing undead, mask-wearing magicians? The answer; instructions for an AK-47. Darklings performance can best be described as “theatrical.”

Watch out for – the random light changes in the outdoor scenes; they would make any Continuity Person's head explode.

Quote – “I'm a master at reading faces, but a skull tells no tales.”

Reviewed by R.P. Thunderdunk

Cripsey! - ***

What he done again?

1998, India/UK, Colour, 287 minutes

Directed by Rufus Grillings. Written by V M Sakhal

Starring Rakisha Vernon, Billy Tyler

After graduating from Oxbridge, the finest university in United Britain, John Fuller has been sent to India to make his fortune. Pity no one told him the Raj finished 50 years ago! After a humorous series of misunderstandings and near misses with the good people of Bangalore a local man about town rescues him and shows him the joys of Modern India. Together they team up to lead the Indian cricket team as it prepares for the biggest match of the year. Never underestimate the appeal of a cross cultural buddy comedy!

Watch out for – After a misunderstanding with the film's financiers, money ran low for a period, which explains the inexplicably long scenes in the restaurant, then later in the restaurant toilets.

Reviewed by Juan Incognito