An Uncomplicated Athlete - *½

Winning was the only thing on his mind

1974, UK, Colour, 96 minutes

Directed by Fyodor Royal. Written by Darwin Ellis

Starring Terrence Freds, Barnanby Toft, Barbara Regal

A grim drama about professional footballer Barry Cullins (Terrence Freds) who literally cares only about the game. The first half of the film sets up several juicy reasons for his state of mind, from failed love affairs to fatherly over ambition to overtraining-related hallucinations. Viewers may not stick with the film in the second half when it’s revealed that his obsession is due simply to being a bit dim. Close equivalent: watching an actual footballer being interviewed.

Watch out for – the teeth and the haircuts.

Quote – “Ooo cares about dat war, eh? Vietnamers aren’t no good at football, woof, their team right stinks.”

Reviewed by R.P. Thunderdunk

I’m Dead and I Can’t Get Up - *

What would you do in such a difficult situation?

1974, Philippines, Colour, 89 minutes

Directed by Jose Aquino (as Hitchcock Spielberg). Written by Hero Martinez (as I.A.L. Hecht)

Starring Madrigal Jose, Cogie Abalayan, Carmencita Mercado, Barry Jones

An unexciting Filipino zombie film set in a physical rehabilitation clinic. Crudely spliced in American actors and attempts to pass Manilla off as Los Angeles add unintentional comedy relief. But the film can’t overcome the lacklustre premise of immobile zombies. In a zombie apocalypse would this many people really wander through an empty rehab clinic?

Watch out for – An old shack sporting a ‘Capitol Records’ sign.

Reviewed by R.P. Thunderdunk