Colonel Intolerance – **

A soldier fights till death

1981, India, Clour, 269 minutes

Written and directed by B. J. L. Ghurajt

Starring Rajiv Ram Tippo, Senda Welsh, K James Singh

A shadowy military figure plots to plunge the subcontinent into war in order to further his dreams of power but is nearly tripped up by one of the worst scripts since Tarzan, Jane and Richard hit Broadway. The main problem was that at points it was uncertain whether or not this was actually a work of fiction or reality, as the characters were direct copies of real life contemporary figures in South Asian politics. This gave the film a confusing yet slightly exciting flavour. Despite a general low quality this movie made a refreshing change from the deluge of WW2/Cold War military thrillers of the post war period. Western audiences were often amazed by the elaborate highland military band sequences.

Best Reviewer comment – "Veiled threats make the best kind of political cinema" – Gary Eindhoven

Reviewed by Juan Incognito

Teeth - *

Before you are digested you pass through its TEETH

1981, USA/Honduras, Colour, 73 minutes

Directed by Gary Ploughman. Written by Lance Pitt, Kyle Horscholt, Len DeWitt

Starring Gary Ploughman Lance Pitt, Kyle Horscholt, Len DeWitt

Originally titled Squid! with a script written by romance novelist Bruno Timpani, this film started as another Jaws rip off before the special effects crew spent the entire film’s budget on a hydraulic set of teeth. Unfortunately squid don’t have teeth, and with no hope of being paid, all of the actors and most of the crew quit the film. Director Ploughman and a few members of the lighting team who had nothing else to do rewrote the film. They centered the action on a drunken night time picnic beside an ominous stream, and each played multiple roles rather badly.

Watch out for – A visual encyclopaedia of all the angles a hydraulic set of teeth can be shot from.

Quote – “We’re in the middle of the most dangerous game of snap in history!”

Reviewed by R.P. Thunderdunk